Friday, August 13, 2010

Asking questions....

One of my boys' main goals is *ASKING*. Our motto is; We ask for what we want and need.

However, asking someone for something requires trusting them. It requires being willing to hear and accept whatever answer they will give you. For a child with RAD this is very hard to do. To ask means risking that the person will take control and decide in a way that isn't what they are seeking. They lose control.

Often a child with Attachment Disorder will use manipulation to get what they want. Saying things like

"I sure am thirsty"

This makes most loving adults want to water the dehydrated little creature. Without the child having to trust.

We do get a lot of questions... usually questions for things that we have said "no" to already.

"Can I play a video game?"

"We don't play video games until after our school and chores are done"

"...so can I play a video game?"

"NO!"

"Why not......?"

Or...

(at bed time) "Can I iron my clothes?"

"It's bedtime."

"But, can I iron my clothes?"

"You can't iron your clothes in bed and it is bed time, you should have asked earlier when we told you to get your clothes ready"

"You want me to wear wrinkled clothes!!!!"

..........

See... LOTS of questions. (and obviously very little listening) They just aren't the questions they are supposed to ask. Those questions, when they attempt to ask, sound like this...

"I was going to ask if I could get a water bottle from the fridge"

or...

"I wondered if you have seen my pencil"

Did you see a question mark in there?... Yeah, me either.

A questions would go like this...

"Mom, may I get a water bottle from the fridge?"

or...

"Mom, have you seen my pencil?"

Yep, I think we need to practice asking questions.

4 comments:

Anna said...

Hey, what's my child doing living at your house? Boy the questions we get that aren't questions. And the questions we get that have already been answered. He wasn't supposed to ask on Wednesday what the plan was for taking #2 back to college, who was going along, was HE going along etc. So he asks #2 "Are you taking the fouton?" #2"Bryan, it won't fit in my Mazda" Bryan "well, it would fit in the minivan".... boy was he being sneaky. If the minivan were going that would mean Mom was going too...
It's way better than it used to be, mostly because we don't respond to disguised questions.

Tammy said...

Anna, I think it's all in their RAD handbook LOL. They really are little genuises at getting the info they want

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahhaaaaaaaaaa ROTFLOL

Mr. T

GB's Mom said...

I think practicing asking questions is the perfect thing to do in the last few weeks of summer!