Saturday, November 06, 2010

The collapse of the coaster

Roller coasters are precarious creations. They require careful engineering, balance must be exact. The speed calculated to the millisecond. The materials chosen for durability and function. Even the design must be executed scientifically. If anything is off, even a hair-breath off, it could lead to certain death.

A month ago today we were cresting the first of a smaller hill. Three days straight of Middle-one following his goals. Good behavior! Peace!! Hope!!!

Then we dropped into a dip... it was a short dip but a 90 degree drop. Middle went over the edge and tried to get physical with Mr. T. However, the only casualty were Mr. T's glasses and we began to ascend a new and higher crest. Eight straight days of goal following goodness!!!! Heaven in our house! My heart sored. Had we broken through I wondered... hoped...believed. Our AT cautioned not to get too excited as she wasn't seeing the necessary cause & effect thinking yet.

Then there was a move forward in therapy. He cooperated! Middle-One opened up. He looked me in the eye and talked about his birth mom!!!!!!... now it was just for a second, but it was a move... maybe it was the beginning of healing....maybe

Then it all began to come apart... maybe a bolt slipped... maybe the speed was too much... maybe there was a crack in the rail. I don't know, but it all began to crumble.

His behavior began to worsen... just a little more each day. We tried to regain the balance and speed, but we couldn't get a hold on it. The ride was out of control and all we could do was watch and wait for it to come to a stop.

It crashed on Monday evening. Middle was to do extra chores when he got home from school. It was his idea for making restitution to his brothers for some disruptive behavior on Saturday. But when he couldn't convince me he had done the chores and avoid doing them, he got angry and decided that nothing mattered anymore anyway so why try.

After five hours of holding us hostage by doing oppositional, destructive and dangerous things (requiring that we chase him and stop him) while Bright-Eyes hid out behind my locked bedroom door, he got physical and then included knives in his antics... when he pointed a knife at Ebear I called the Sheriff's Department.

He was arrested. We went to court on Wednesday morning. It was decided that he is too dangerous to be here and we were given the arduous task of finding a placement for him in 30 days. We return to court on December 1, hopefully with a plan.

The roller coaster is in pieces now. It lies scattered and piled like the bone pile in a dragon's lair. Our hope twisted in the ragged railing.


J. said...

Oh Tammy, I am so sorry that this went the way it did. May a good place be found and may your family find some peace with this step.

Anonymous said...

Oh no, that is horrible. I am so sorry! I hope things start to look up.

Diana said...

Oh, Tammy! I'm crying right along with you. My heart is breaking. Many blessings to you as you work through all the messy details of trying to work things out. So sorry your family is having to deal with this.

Cara said...


This is the first time I've ever read your blog. I just happened to see mention of it on Facebook. I'm so sorry!

Cara (Temberton)

Lindy said...

I am sorry. Why is it your responsibility to find placement? Is he still being held in detention?
What happens if you can't magic up placement?
We were given our share of threats as well. what on earth are parents supposed to do?
Once again,, I am sorry. I had hopes that your son would make it.
I do understand how y'all feel. We are just a mile or so ahead on the same road.
It simply sucks.

GB's Mom said...

I am sorry. It hurts to lose your kid that way. BTDT. {{{Hugs}}}

Allyria said...

Tammy, I'm so sorry. :( You all are in my thoughts and prayers. It is such a crummy place to be when our RADiant ones find themselves this far out there. I know. I'm living it too (minus knives) this week too.