Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Visit four

We went into this visit still unrecovered from the surprise four-day weekend of the past week's visit. That probably didn't help...

Friday we four rose early and got ready to head out. We drove across the county to pick Middle up from school. On the way we called his FCP to ask where and how we would get his weekend meds. She was at work but told us that she had put them in his backpack. Great!

We checked Middle-one out of school and he arrives with a heavily frosted cupcake, no backpack. So we ask...

"Where is your backpack?"

"I didn't bring it"

"Why not?"

"Because it's got my clothes in it?

........................... (some things really don't need to be thought about too much)

"Isn't that why you should have brought it?"

"NO!....that's embarrassing!!!"

*we paused to breath deeply... we have learned that we should always make sure we have enough rest, hydration and breath to successfully face the day.

Mr. T called the FCP at work, AGAIN to ask when we might be able to get said backpack. She wouldn't be home at all until Saturday so we had to plan to drive an hour each way to obtain the clothes and meds that Middle had chosen not to bring. We verified with her that he had been instructed to bring the bag. She said yes. We began planning chores to provide him with money to pay for our gas and time....

Meanwhile, Middle contentedly ate his cupcake, in front of his brothers and got frosting all over himself and the van.

And we're off...

The therapy appointment was fine and is fully detailed in another post.

We headed home after therapy and did much of nothing. Mr. T went out later and got pizza and the movie Planet 51 and we all enjoyed a family evening in front of the TV.

Saturday morning was fairly peaceful and uneventful. We had breakfast and Mr. T took all three boys to drive over to FCP home and pick up the backpack. Then they all went grocery shopping... yes, sometimes I doubt his sanity, but never his love. I had the morning to do school work and soak in the peace.

The afternoon was spent doing chores and letting the boys play.

Middle and Bright-Eyes began to have some challenges. Unfortunately Middle-One wasn't working on processing so he argued and defended anytime we tried to help them resolve the issue. This just caused Bright-Eyes more stress and things began to snowball.

Bright-Eyes tried to walk away when things began to feel threatening... as instructed. Middle-One came to talk to us when things got frustrating... as instructed. But it all broke down there so we used parenting technique #408. It goes something like this... "If you two can't get along then you don't need to be together". You can see those years of intense therapy and parenting training shining through can't you? ;o)

Since they couldn't be together and Middle is challenged when given idol time, I made a debt log and began to find chores for him to work for gas money. To his credit he did work hard and worked of half of his debt. The rest will have to be completed during the next visit. Hopefully he won't add to it.

Sunday began with the usual petty challenges of just getting three boys up and ready for church on time. No one even needs special needs and emotional disturbances to feel that pain.

We got to church, attended church, left church and headed home all without event.

We balanced that out by including a jaunt to the emergency room later...

We managed to get through lunch and Bright-Eyes was playing... alone, because the sibling segregation continued... when we all heard the screaming. Bright-Eyes was on his knees with his bloodied hand over his eye. This was my cue to become the "weaker sex" and let Mr. T. sweep in and take charge, least I pass out cold. My knight ran to Bright-Eyes, and determined that his eye was safe and secure but he had punctured and stick through his face, just below his eyelid and it needed to be checked out and likely stitched up.

Looking back I am glad that Middle-One didn't come running with morbid fascination, wanting to see the blood and asking if his brother was going to die. I guess we have made progress.

Middle even began to collect his clothes and personal items when instructed because we thought we would have to take him back ... but we changed out plans when we realized Bright-Eye's face was still bleeding and Mr. T. decided to just get to the ER ASAP. We sent Ebear to sit with and comfort his brother, and Middle and I remained at the house.

Middle used the time wisely to play video games without interruption. Still no concern or compassion, but at least we didn't have to deal with the morbid fascinations... there is hope.

I called the FCP right away to explain that we had an emergency and would be later for drop off. She said she had a church service but would be home in the evening after 6:00. I asked her if she would be home all evening and she confirmed that she would... this is important.

Surprisingly, Mr. T called soon after they arrived at the ER to tell me they were already finished and on the way back. No stitches for Bright-Eyes this time and he had missed his eye completely so no damage. They glued the cut shut and sent him on his way.

Realizing I hadn't in a while, I took time to pause and breath deeply.

When they got home we decided that I would take all three boys to drop Middle off so that Mr. T. could study for his Science exam Monday morning.

As we headed out Middle wondered if he could take our fruit with him. I assured him that his FCP would feed him and provide food. :o)

We headed out at 6:30. I called the FCP's house to let her know that we were on the way. I got her voice mail and left a message.

The segregated boys were now together in tight quarters and grumpy. We didn't get a mile down the road before Middle became hostile toward Bright-Eyes every time he spoke. And Bright-Eyes wasn't in a forgiving mood since he was now sporting a wad of glue under his blackening swollen eye. I began pulling over to the side of the road to allow Middle to get quiet and stop harassing his brother. I stopped three times before we had even made it to the highway... I was having second thoughts about the wisdom of bringing them together but didn't want to admit defeat so we went on.

About halfway there Bright-Eyes tells me he is starting to hurt again and I realized that his pain killer was wearing off. I would need to drop Middle off and go to the store.

We arrived at the FCP's home about 7:30. No one was home. I called Mr. T to ask for her cell #. Mr. T said he would try also. We both called the cell phone and the home phone again. We left messages but there was no response.

The boys and I sat for about 20 minutes and I began to wonder what I should do. We had no idea where she was or why she wasn't at home like she had said she would be.

Bright-Eyes was in a lot of pain now so I left to find a store to buy some Ibuprofen, drinks and a snack. We headed back to the FCP's home ... still not there. It was nearly 8:00 at this point and I was considering just bringing Middle back home.

Should have been breathing deeply here... sometimes we just don't remember to take care of ourselves.

Just after 8:00 Mr. T. called and said that FCP had called the house and asked him what he wanted to do. Neither of us understood what that meant at the time. (Later we realized that she hadn't heard the VM messages and assumed that we still had Middle at our house. ) Mr. T. told her that we were at her home waiting and had been there for quite a while. She answered...

"Ok, well I'm at church"

Mr. T assumed that meant that she was on her way and told me that. We waited....

Middle and Bright-Eyes were getting more and more anxious having to wait for and unforeseen amount of time stuck together in a van. Middle-One was being oppositional which wasn't helping any of us to wait patiently.

It was close to 8:30 when a familiar van pulled up. It was familiar only to Middle and Ebear who had seen it before at past drop offs with Mr. T. It was the sister in law of FCP. They announced that they had come to pick Middle-One up.

We all transferred his belongings from one vehicle to another, I stopped him and told him that I love him, and he was gone.

Halfway home I received a call from his FCP who told me that she was sending someone to pick him up and that she was still at church... Ummmmmmm... yeah, they got him already.

And thus ended visit four.

I have all week to breath deeply.. inhale... exhale....

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