I mentioned, in a previous post, that AT discussed with us, the records from the treatment facility.
This answered questions and raised some new ones (and again these will be addressed in another post), but it brought up a very important question that could not be ignored.
The facility therapist had begun doing a form of Attachment Therapy with Middle. She didn't have us participating, so she had no "attachment figure" but still began with the traditional work on birth-story, feelings and timeline. At some point during this work she made th dismal prognosis that middle was much too damaged to ever be able to attach to any family. He has no foundation on which to build. (somehow she got from that point to supporting a foster home placement with a single mom and younger children... but I digress)
At the end of our last therapy session our AT (who is always hopeful for healing in any child) told us that given the time we had before reunification, she did not feel that Middle would be ready to be in our home and she didn't know when he would be. Then she asked...
"What do you want to do?"
I truly had to ask what she meant because as I stated earlier I had not eaten any protien and was much like Larry's brother Larry at the moment.
AT clarified that we needed to decide if..
A) We were moving forward
B) We were ok with Middle coming home
C) What we would do if he wasn't sucessful
I don't know...
I told her ...
A) We had no choice.. the current was driving us and there was no turning back... besides. That would give everyone ZERO chance and success.
B) See answer "A"
C) ...... I don't know...
Should we even let our minds go to the possibility of failure? What would failure look like now? What would he have to do? Destroy some furniture? Burn the house down? Try to kill someone?... I have to admit that those things seem and sound so unbelievable now. But they were reality once. Do I put that behind us and wax hopeful? Do I shut the door?
.....I don't know.
And what if Middle should succeed but it pushes Bright-Eyes into total disregulation?
.....I don't know.
I have tried to seek the Lord on this and I guess I am not very sheep-like right now because I don't hear HIS voice.