Thursday, April 08, 2010

Frustrations and injustices

There are so many things I find frustrating about being my kids' mom. Very little of which has anything to do with my kids. I love my kids and have worked hard to understand them and why they do the things they do. I consider parenting a verb and I take it seriously... so it has been difficult to be in the position of being the mom in a world of experts professionals and general powers-that-be, who pass in and out of my child's life.

So I thought I would attempt to list these annoyances... and I will just add to the list as time goes by... this way I don't have to hold onto it and maybe I can let it go... maybe...

*The well-known, reputable psychiatrist, saying, about our pre-school aged aggressive RADish (when we explained that he wasn't actually "explosive" in a Ross Greene sort of way, as was assumed, but rather seemed to have a simmering anger all the time) "Well what does he have to be angry about?"

*The RTC therapist who spent three years telling us that Middle couldn't/shouldn't come home and not doing ANY family therapy, only to flip as soon as payment ended and say that he is fine and can step down to a least restrictive setting and should do great in a foster home with a single mom and two younger children.

*The same RTC therapist who after being told of our concerns about placing Middle with a single woman and no "father figure" said "Well, it depends on the strength of the mom"... really?... Really???

*The SW who refers to her clients as all "her" kids and insists that she knows my son because he talks to her.

*The foster parent who REFUSES to meet with his therapist and learn about his disorder or answer any of our questions or requests... of feed him well... or take him to medical appointments...or show up on time...or work with us in any way

*The attorney who insist that he knows how I feel because he too is a parent (Really????) and refuses to allow me to finish a sentence because he knows what I'm going to say and talks to me like I'm four

*The judge (who is actually a good judge) that refused to give us access to view video tape of the illegal restraint on Middle even though the staff worker was let go.

*The school that refuses to inform us of anything directly, even though the legally should.

*The school secretary who treats Mr. T like a criminal when he checks Middle-One out of school

*The foster parent who wants so desperately to be perceived and doing a good job, that she downplays behavior and doesn't tell

*The fact that my child has gone without meds because prescriptions were not filled and has gone without glasses for 6 months while I have been able and willing to care for him but not told about his needs.

*Being told that the PTB want to make sure that Mr. T and I know how to "parent our special needs child" and then watching everyone in his life berate him, punish him and NEGLECT HIM!!!!!!!

*Being told (while discussing the level of behavior it would take for Middle to leave our home again) that Middle is just Middle and I can't be nick-picky about behaviors.

*Being told that no one will encourage, assist or supervise phone calls to teach life skills and support family connectiveness because he is 14 years old (and I guess should just know how to do that even without access to a phone), but then having someone pack his backpack for visits because they assume he can't do that for himself ?!?!?!?!?!

*Having other people make decisions about my child that should be ours to make.

*The treatment facility staff who felt it was ok to take my child to church, shopping and out to eat in a one on one setting... especially the young female worker who thought I was crazy for suggesting that it might not be wise to take my pre-adolescent boy child *ALONE* out to dinner at night to a nice restaurant to learn social skills.

*Having people assume that because we sought help and an out of home placement that we don't want to be our child's family.

*The treatment facility therapist who said good-bye to Middle by asking him who is favorite therapist was (He responded "You?") and then telling him to always remember who his favorite therapist is (that ought to have prepared him to move on)

*The therapist who decided that phone calls and visits had to be supervised because we didn't agree with the choice to place in foster care

*The workers who bought into Middle's tears when he got mad at not being able to keep us on the phone while he listed doing things we had told him not to do

*The foster parent who plans out-of-town trips, with no warning, and then expects us to adjust around her plans and outside of the agreed upon plan

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